‘I like Big Boats And I cannot Lie, You Other Sisters Can’t Deny…I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring… But Boats make me so Happy, So Ladies (yeah!), Ladies (yeah!), Do you love  your Boats? Hell yeah!’

– adapted from ‘Baby got Back’ by Sir Mix a Lot, 1992

Van Dutch (Photos all taken by NHYM Copyright 2014)

Boats vs. Cars

Boats win hands down. When I hop on a privately owned boat of any size (over 10meters long that is), I get a certain frisson that gets me going, which I know is inexcusable and I should have higher morals, how superficial, but I just can’t help it. I just love boats. I don’t give a tits ass about cars. Cars to me are just dull and predictable; the Porsche Boxter is the poor man’s Porsche that an Associate at a big bank has finally been able to afford to show off his peers from B-school, the Ferrari is the ‘mid-life-crisis’ car that divorced men rush out to buy to snap up a younger version of their ex-wives, and let’s not talk about the branded keychain men love to leave around the restaurant dinner table to show off their bling. I once knew an Italian wannabe playboy who cruised down Fulham Road in his Porsche/Ferrari/Aston Martin to pick up chicks and it apparently worked! When these men (kids) get married and have children, they become the 4×4 crowd, the Range Rover vs. the BMW X5. (And you already know how I feel about private jets: http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com/2014/05/15/quote-of-the-day-i-promise-you-will-never-have-to-turn-right-on-an-airplane). Just as men have their toys or gadgets, boats are my ‘thing.’ I can stare at them all day. Not only can they take you from A to B like a car or plane, you can party on them, sleep on them, drink cocktails on them while watching the sun set over Formentera with some vodka infused watermelons, cruise from Capri to Ischia overnight on them and do whatever else your imagination takes you.

Sunseeker Superhawk 48

My love of boats started years ago, when as a 20 year old party girl I made friends with an Italian playboy who happened to be friends with a very wealthy 26 year old New Yorker, owner of a Sunseeker Superhawk (this owner of the Sunseeker by the way, drove us to his boat in a Porsche 911). We spent the summers on his boat, the wealthy owner made cooler by the Italian playboy, and I was the token, cool, fun and clever girl that had an open invitation, while they invited different ‘potentials’ each weekend, one which inspired my favourite line in history: ‘You are like a lobster, not a lot of meat, but very expensive.’ Thus started my love affair with boats. There is nothing like the feeling I get when I am on the water, being rocked by mother nature, inducing a release of endorphins that makes me so deliriously happy, surrounded by water and away from all our ‘problems’ for the day, or for a week. It reminds me that we are just small fish in a huge ocean. Mix that with a Mojito cocktail or Glass of Domaine Ott Rose, and a Cafe Del Mar CD, and there is not much more that makes me so happy.

The Size of a Boat Matters: Bigger is not always Better

There is a good size to a boat, like Goldilocks’ bed, not too big, not too small. My ideal is between 10m and 40m, but it also depends on the boat. Under 10m is acceptable for a lake boat or for a Riva, Aquarama or a Ligurian day boat. Over 50m and they become like cruise-liners, which is not my thing, I’ll leave the cruises to the over 60s and to those Orange EasyCruisers. I want to be able to feel the water rocking the boat underneath me, and not feel like a floating hotel. A good boat should have plenty of space for sunbathing, drinking and eating. Then there are day boats and overnight boats to choose from. My favourite day boat is the Sunseeker Superhawk 48, as I have already mentioned before. Overnight boats need to be a certain length, so that I don’t turn green and start wretching – really not an attractive look – and to have enough space for a proper cabin and proper toilets that don’t start smelling of piss after 3 days at sea.

There is the real urban tale of the Legal Head of a major American Private Equity Firm who proudly rents a 33m sailing boat in the Caribbean for him and his family. He is feeling rather pleased with himself that he has one of the biggest boats in the bay and his teenage sons are well impressed. Until, that is, the Billionaire founder of his Private Equity Firm accosts him with his personal 62m super yacht, with helicopter and sailboat on the main deck, and his teenagers desert him in a flash for the jet skis on the super yacht.

Invictus and Lady Joy

Sailboats vs. Superyachts

The question of Sailboat vs. Motor yachts is rather self explanatory. Sailboats are unquestionably the more beautiful and classy boat, while the Superyachts are the cool boats to have, to really show off in the land of the SuperRich. Some would say a penis extension. But whatever. They are just so cool. The FT recently covered boats as the ultimate SuperRich playthings. First comes the house, then comes the car, then the plane and finally the Superyacht. So, are you cool or are you classy?

Boyfriends and Boats

All of my serious boyfriends understood very quickly that I loved boats and used this to their advantage. It is my weak spot! Everyone has one, don’t they?  My first serious boyfriend took me on a sailing trip from St. Martin to St. Barth’s on our third date, good effort I thought, but after three days I couldn’t wait to check-into a hotel. My second serious boyfriend took me on a friend’s Sunseeker Superhawk every summer to go from Ibiza to Formentera for the day, and managed to get me on an America’s Cup Winner Oyster during Les Voiles de St. Tropez. Not Bad. My third serious boyfriend decided to propose to me on a boat, unfortunately he didn’t receive the memo, it wasn’t on a Sunseeker or an Oyster Sailboat as I was hoping for, but a small, tin boat on a freezing cold, rainy lake. Needless to say, I still said ‘yes’. So, after all, it’s not the size of the boat that really matters.

A ‘pizza’ boat.

xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

Twitter: @NHyummymummy