Where… ‘I feel like Batman entering Gotham City’

The Beaumont Hotel

8 Balderton Street

Brown Hart Gardens

London W1K 6TF

0207 499 9499

https://www.colonygrillroom.com

Food: 3.75 stars

Ambience: 4 stars

Design: 4 stars

Service: 3.5 stars

Value: 4 stars

Overall: 3.75 stars

Introduction:

For those who missed last Saturday’s review of The Colony Grill by Giles Coren, who gave it a trillion rating, The Colony Grill Room has a lot to live up to. AA Gill also gave it **** (someone must have spiked his drinks). It is the latest restaurant from the Mushroom-Restaurant-Kings of restaurants, Corbin & King (Mushroom-Restaurant-Kings: restaurateurs whose restaurants open up like mushrooms growing overnight), who have opened their first hotel in Mayfair, the Beaumont. Their collection of restaurants famously includes the The Ivy, The Wolseley, Delauney’s, Colbert, and most recently Fischer’s. The Wolseley is my personal favourite, with its beautiful atrium room, which is floodlit with light, and a perfect stop for afternoon shopping on Bond Street, or for a naughty ‘sick day’ which makes you feel like a teenager playing hookie.

NHYM 2014

The Beaumont

When I arrived at The Beaumont Hotel, I immediately felt like I was Batman arriving in a restaurant in Gotham City. The big, white, imposing building with up-lighting with an impressive structural and architectural sculpture by Antony Gormley on it’s Upper Left Corner, a cross between a gargoyle and The Thing from the Fantastic Four, could easily hide some bats, a bat helicopter, or a Batman Villain like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze. The lobby entrance is very Art Deco, with beautiful dark wood and white leather armchairs, art deco mirrors and black and white tiles; this is not your typical London hotel experience with swanky modern or minimalist Phillipe-Starkesque interiors. It is quite the opposite; it is a new hotel which tries to look old-school old, despite being born in 2014, it pretends to be born in 1924. Especially entering the Hotel bar, do you feel this even more so. There are three walls full of black and white photographs of Silver Screen Actors, with a bar called Jimmy’s, you wouldn’t expect anything less. It is working hard to make itself a classic, even before being one.

NHYM 2014

The Restaurant

The wait for the table was excessively  long, but luckily for us, the American bar was dark and enjoyable enough to keep us waiting for 45 minutes (which our chippy host was not too impressed with). The Restaurant is retro, old school, and very masculine with heavy leather banquettes. It was like entering a Film Set; I could imagine Jessica Rabbit having dinner in the corner with Warren Beatty in a room full of Hemingway and Fitzgerald type prints. It is an attractive room despite being windowless. Although Keira Knightely was spotted here recently, this restaurant did not feel like it was for young, trendy, things but the crowd seemed more 40-50 than 20-30 so this a place where texting (and sexting) and vlogging at the dinner table would be frowned upon. So, our dinner conversation was appropriately grown-up centred on the latest divorce of friends whose husband had caught his wife shagging their sexy builder, who we all agreed was better looking than the current pouchy, balding husband, and someone’s teenage son sexting a message to ‘mum’ instead of ‘mary.’ These things actually happen, even in West London.

Image courtesy of the internet. 2014.

The Menu

The menu is appropriately, what you could call ‘American Comfort Food.’ It was clearly made for an American clientele. Perhaps King & Corbin thought that they could draw the Americans to this hotel if they packed it with the American favourites like Mac & Cheese £8.75), Sundaes (£8.25) and New York Strip Steaks (£35). It definitely was not intended for French in mind: ‘What eez zees? An Iceberg for a Salad? Non! Icebergs are only for zee Titanic!’ Noo Yorrk Ot Dog for £9.50? I can fly Ryanair to Noo Yorrk for zat kind of monay!’ Why do zay call zem ze ‘Plats du Jour?’ Are we in Noo Yorrk or in Parrris? Make up yourr mind! Enfin!’

Image courtesy of the internet. 2014.

The Food

The food had some hits and misses. A lot of dishes on the menu were not very complicated and could really be done easily by your 3 year old; iceberg wedge with blue cheese dressing (£6.25), which seemed very popular, was exactly as stated, a big wedge of iceberg with some dressing on it. The Shrimp Cocktail was not excitingly imaginative, with 6 shrimp hanging off a cocktail glass, which was quite spicy but not as tasty. The Colony Club Salad was a deconstructed Club sandwich with colourful stripes of green cucumbers, red tomatoes, yellow cheese, brown bacon and green/yellow avocado. Nice idea, and nice combination. This was comfort food but not quite what I would call fine dining.

Shrimp cocktail courtesy of the internet. 2014. 

We ordered the Porterhouse for the table, which was to share, and I must admit that it was a delicious Porterhouse. Perfectly cooked, perfectly chosen piece of high quality meat and melt-in-your-mouth tender. It was succulent on its own, and I made the mistake of dousing it with peppercorn sauce and the Bernaise to placate my FOMO. The peppercorn lacked double cream and had too much brandy, the Bernaise had some taste, but not the right taste, so in my opinion, the Porterhouse was best on its own. Finally, the desserts were Sundaes which you could conjure up on a piece of cardboard and pencil with choices of ice cream, sauces (caramel/chocolate etc…), and toppings. To an American, a childhood delight. Finally, the Red Velvet Cake which we chose to share just did not compare to the Hummingbird Bakery one.

Image courtesy of the internet. 2014. 

The Verdict

For the Americans homesick for some good old American comfort food, The Colony Grill hits the spot. Yes, it may be a bit ‘Normcore’ but to some, that’s all that is needed to reach happiness. The food is simple, but to many Americans, simple is a good thing. ‘Don’t try overcomplicate, simplify’. Of course, if you are newly divorced and trying to impress your new 25 year old, French girlfriend, this may not be quite the place to take her, she may be happier texting and vlogging to Beyonce at Hakkassan.

xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy