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The Beta Mum, Adventures in Alpha Land is available to Pre-Order on Amazon!

 

You can now pre-order my book, The Beta Mum, Adventures in Alpha Land on Amazon!

Pre-Order On Amazon

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My Book Cover Revealed!

It is a strange thing to come up with a book cover, given that I am not the one who actually drew those pictures or designed that cover, yet it is the one thing that is supposed to sell my book. I did give the designers some ideas of what I thought the cover should look like, but they are the ones who came up with it.

The book, which is really like a baby to me, was conceived by me from the first word to the last (well, with some editorial help!), so when I received the book cover, it was hard to feel like it was mine. But I am now thrilled with it, and can’t wait to see the physical copy in a few weeks! The official publication date is June 20th 2017!

And here is the back cover blurb:

When Sophie Bennett moves from a quiet, sleepy suburb of Toronto to glitzy west London, she doesn’t know where she has landed: Venus or Mars. Her three-year-old daughter Kaya attends Cherry Blossoms, the most exclusive nursery in London, where Sophie finds herself adrift in a sea of Alpha mums. These mothers are glamorous, gorgeous, competitive and super rich, especially Kelly, the blonde, beautiful and bitchy class rep.

Struggling to fit in and feeling increasingly isolated, Sophie starts The Beta Mum, an anonymous blog describing her struggles with the Alpha mums. But when her blog goes viral, she risks ruining everything for herself and her daughter. How long will it be until they discover her true identity? Is her marriage strong enough to survive one of her follower’s advances? And will she ever fit in with the Alpha mums?

You will soon be able to purchase The Beta Mum, Adventures in Alpha Land locally on June 20th from The Notting Hill Bookshop or you can get it straight to your door with the ever so reliable Amazon from June 20th!

You can also enter the Goodreads Giveaway for a chance to win a free copy on May 10th. The Goodreads Giveaway will run from May 10th to June 10th.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Beta Mum, Adventures in Alpha-Land by Isabella Davidson

The Beta Mum, Adventures in Alpha-Land

by Isabella Davidson

Giveaway ends June 10, 2017.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

Let me know what you think!

xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

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Top 10, Travel, Uncategorized

Travel-lusting: Oia, Santorini, Greece

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All Photos Copyright of NHYM 2015. 

2015 was Greece’s year, although not necessarily for good reasons. Greece has made the media spotlight for it’s shambolic economy that closed down ATMs and banks and froze money coming in and out of Greece. But let’s look at the positives coming from Greece: a travel-lusting destination. I know at least 6 couples that are currently in Greece: Mykonos for the party people, Santorini for couples or Sani Resort for families, there’s something for everyone.

For a romantic long weekend a deux, sans kids, Santorini is my top pick. Often chosen as a top honeymoon destination, Oia never fails to impress with those towering views over the underwater volcano. It is a quick, direct Easjyet flight and in a few hours you could be basking in the Greek sun.

In Oia, all the hotels share the same views, so you can’t go wrong. Here are some of the hotels I recommend:

  1. Pezoules Hotel: www.http://pezoules.gr
  2. Katikies Hotel: http://www.katikies.com
  3. Kirini Suites & Spa: http://www.kirini.com
  4. Perivolas: http://www.perivolas.gr
  5. Mystique: http://mystique.gr

And the restaurant not to miss is the Sunset Taverna in the fishing village down the other side of the mountain. Fresh Greek Seabream there is an absolute must when visiting Oia.

Don’t forget a boat ride around the island, also another must-do.

Here are some photos. Go on, lust away.

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xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

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Reviews

The Serpentine Summer Party’s UPTOWN FUNK 2015

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All Photos belong to NHYM Copyright 2015.

Last night’s Serpentine Summer Party ended on a high after a close disappointment. This is a party that combines Art, Architecture, Fashion, Music, Glitterati and lots of fruity cocktails, which is a FOMO-Free Zone. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, not even the American Ambassador’s feted 4th of July party, which coincided with SSP. The Serpentine Summer Party is my one indulgence of the year, where I celeb-spot shamelessly, dance with Benedict Cumberbatch and  wonder who will end up playing in concert. Last year, Pharell Williams made a surprise appearance for a 30 minute music set, which was one of the best intimate concerts I have ever been to.

Pre-Party Preparation

This year, for the Serpentine Party, my feet were sponsored by LeSalon App, an app that brings mani/pedis to your home, which is particularly useful when you have run out of time and can multi-task while getting your pedi. (Ie. I was working while getting my nails done on our terrace). I must preface by saying that my feet were in dire need of some help, so this came at an opportune time. After not seeing daylight for 9 months of hibernation, they were quite a dreadful sight. I mean, they were so bad, I had to do a pre-pedi, I was so embarrassed to present them to my Pedi-Lady. Thankfully my face is better than my feet, otherwise I would still be a spinster. If my face is a 7, my feet are a 2. Dreadful. So, in came Christine, Pedi-Lady, who although arrived late, was jolly and enthusiastic. Her kit was a bit on the dusty side, so would have happily dusted it out for her, but these are details I don’t have the time to think about. Christine did a great job of sloughing, rubbing, cutting, pummicing and filing, that I now have presentable, rather acceptable looking feet:

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My feet by LeSalon App. NHYM 2015.

Thank you Christine for your hard work! Otherwise, the rest of my pre-prep day went with many glitches; my hair lady didn’t show up and my nanny had an emergency when I was supposed to get ready. So much for 2 hours to get ready. I can always hope.

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Serpentine Summer Party Entrance. NHYM 2015.

The Party

The Party, as usual, was exceptional. It is a meticulously organised elaborate event that manages to keep up with our expectations year after year. The Champagne flowed freely for Mr.X, just as the Passion Fruit Martinis did for me. The crowd was a mix of Art Gallery owners, Celebs, Fashionistas, Hedge Funders, Models, plenty of NHYMs everywhere I turned, and a few #RichKidsofWestLondon scattered around looking way too cool.

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Selgascano design with Kate Hudson on the right in the middle of two friends. NHYM 2015.

The celebs were out in force as usual, with Kate Hudson as the big Hollywood star but it was the English rising & established stars that dominated the night: Benedict Cumberbatch, Ewan McGregor, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Alice Eve, James Corden, Naomie Harris, Zadie Smith, Gabriella Wilde etc… etc… etc… Socialites Tim Jeffries, Sophie Dahl, Donna Air and Tamara Beckwith were socialising. The fashionistas were impossibly fashionable and beautiful with Christopher Kane, ERDEM, Roksanda Ilcnic, Matthew Williamson, Alice Temperley as the designers and Poppy Delivigne, Alexa Chung, Karlie Kloss, Suki Waterhouse and Lara Stone as the models sipping and shaking all night long.

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selgascano Serpentine Pavillion 2015

The Pavillion designed by architects selgascano was full of iridescent colours and tunnels, creating a floaty, ethereal feel to the party, which I personally liked, but other attendees I chatted to weren’t as impressed.

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Sunset Serpentine Summer Party 2015. NHYM. 

As the sun set while we were drinking our martinis and cocktails surrounded by ridiculously gorgeous people, we wondered if the night could get any better with the surprise music set.

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Dusk at the Serpentine Summer Party 2015. NHYM

When the main act was presented, Spandau Ballet, we were all a little… Uhm-Really? Slight disappointment from the previous years’ Dizzie Rascal and Pharrell Williams. Spandau had their last hit when I was 7. This wasn’t quite what I was expecting.

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Mark Ronson DJ at the Serpentine Summer Party

But then, we started hearing the beat of Uptown Funk and saw Mark Ronson at the DJ both mixing and spinning the most famous dance song of the year, ‘Uptown Funk’ and that’s when the party really started. It was Uhm-Azing. I love Mark Ronson and Uptown Funk, which is by far the biggest selling song of the year and has won Mark Ronson ‘Best British Single Award’ at the Brit Awards 2015. Couldn’t have been a better choice for SSP 2015.

Mark Ronson DJ’d the rest of the night, including playing songs he produced like Amy Winehouse’s ‘Valerie,’ and tons of old school ‘Biggie Biggie Can’t You See’-style songs, one of my fave 90’s tracks. I spent the rest of the night dancing next to Benedict Cumberbatch as he was smoking his roll up cigarette and wearing sunnies, James Corden jiving in front of me, and up at the DJ booth with Karlie Kloss and Zadie Smith joining in on the action. What a way to welcome in the Summer.

I’m off for the summer next week, so have a great summer and see you in the fall!

xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

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Social Commentary

‘What Postcode are You?’ London’s Poshest Postcodes…

I used to be what you could call a ‘Chelsea Girl’ about 10 years ago, with my SW3 postcode, Saturday lunches at the Chelsea Farmer’s Market and drinks at Eclipse on Walton Street. Then, I moved up ‘North of the Park’ where I swapped King’s Road for Westbourne Grove, Eclipse for the Westbourne Pub, and Saturday lunches at CFM for Daylesford lunches and went from ‘Chelsea Girl’ to ‘NHYM’. As a Chelsea girl I remember thinking that Notting Hill was a) not as pretty b) a bit grungy/scary c) a little ‘too cool for school,’ but I followed my other half and 10 years later, all the remnants of ‘Chelsea Girl’ are well behind me and with two kids in tow, I have fully embraced the Notting Hill ‘cool.’

I recently wrote a short piece about London’s most expensive postcodes and the bankers who want to live there. http://news.efinancialcareers.com/uk-en/205575/6-london-postcodes-that-show-youve-made-it-in-banking-and-the-bankers-who-live-there/. It got me thinking about London postcodes and how we identify with them. So what does your postcode say about you?

Zoopla’s Rich List of the most expensive postcodes: http://www.zoopla.co.uk/property/richlist/uk/england/

Highest value areas
Area Zed-Index
1 W8 (Kensington) £2,707,386
2 SW7 (Knightsbridge) £2,493,204
3 SW3 (Chelsea) £2,324,889
4 SW10 (West Brompton) £1,857,677
5 W11 (Notting Hill)

Here is my guide to London’s Most Expensive & Poshest Postcodes:

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1. SW1X: Knightsbridge

Your neighbours: Sheiks & Oligarchs

Your Style Icon: Queen Rania of Jordan

Knightsbridge is Blingland. It is home to One Knightsbridge, one of the world’s priciest residences where Sultans, Sheiks and Oligarchs love to mingle with their own kind. For them, the postcode and address are clearly more important than cost per sqm. Their motto is ‘the more expensive, the better.’ Of course with Harvey Nics and Harrods at their doorstep, shopping is a vital past time for the SW1X residents. They love labels, flashy cars, yachts and PJs. Competition is rife amongst the SuperRich, and Knightsbridge is the perfect place for them to show off their latest bling.

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2. W8: Kensington

Your neighbours: Kate Middleton & Tamara Ecclestone

Your Style Icon: Kate Middleton

With Kensington Palace and Kensington Palace Gardens, W8 has won the trophy for the most expensive postcode in the UK. It is easy to see why the SuperRich drop £75 Million for a house on Billionaires Row, aka Kensington Palace Gardens, with Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens as their backyard. Then just a few streets away, Phillimore Gardens houses will keep you drooling, which is the best place for Halloween Trick or Treating, with a competition for the best, excessively decorated house on the street. Kensington divides the Chelsea set and the Notting Hill set who are constantly competing for ‘best postcode.’ Ideally located with Holland Park to the West, Hyde Park to the East, South Kensington to the South and Notting Hill to the North, no wonder it is considered the Billionaires Postcode.

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3. SW3: Chelsea 

Your neighbours: Charles Saatchi, Roman Abramovic, and Hugh Grant

Your Style Icon: Amal Alamuddin (Amal Alamuddin may appear straight out of Chelsea, but she is in fact a Notting Hill Girl). 

Chelsea used to be for Sloaney Poneys and the Posh British set, but times have changed. Even the ‘Made in Chelsea’ cast can’t afford to live in Chelsea anymore. Hugh Grant remains one of the last Chelsea Toffs that can be seen toffing around in Chelsea at Brinkley’s on Hollywood Road, right around the corner from his house (unless he moved since my last sighting). Nowadays, it is rich American Private Equity and Hedge Fund kings who sweep up many of the Chelsea Square mansions. The Chelsea set tend to be immaculately dressed and coiffed with head to toe Chanel or Ralph Lauren, thanks to the Chanel store on Brompton Cross or Ralph Lauren on Fulham Road. They do tend to think that ‘it’s Chelsea or nothing’. Chelsea is beautiful, immaculate and manicured, home to the Boltons, some of the most expensive London real estate. But let’s be real, Chelsea is like that really, really good looking guy, who knows it.

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4. SW7: South Kensington

Your Neighbours: Italian and French Aristocrats

Your Style Icon: Marion Cotillard, Clemence Poesy

South Kensington used to be ‘the’ place for all the Italian and French to decamp to from Paris, Rome or Milan, helping to make London France’s 6th biggest city with 400,000 French inhabitants. The French of course love it so much that it has the French consulate and the Lycée Francais within 2 blocks of each other. There is even a French street, Bute Street, with a French bookshop and delis filled with Lycée boys and girls. For the French who want a piece of France in London, South Kensington is the ideal place. Their Mediterranean neighbours, the Italians, equally love South Kensington, paying homage to it with the 2001 film with the same name, South Kensington. The Italian aristocrats can’t get enough of South Kensington, and you may just find yourself on one of their 42 m sailing yachts off the coast of Capri if you’re lucky enough.

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5. W11: Notting Hill 

Your Neighbours: Stella McCartney, Richard Curtis, Writers, Musicians and Fashionistas 

Your Style Icon: Stella McCartney and Kate Moss

It used to be that Notting Hill was the edgy, cool, hip Postcode, but with the 1999 Notting Hill movie and the Bankers and Funders entering the neighbourhood, Notting Hill has gentrified and become the home of the NHYMs and those artists that have ‘made it’. Some of the Modelistas, such as Elle McPherson and Claudia Schiffer have left, but the newer and younger ones like Arizona Muse have moved in, and Stella still remains. It is also popular with many musicians like Blur and Coldplay musicians and Adele reportedly bought her first house here in NH. Notting Hillers like to think themselves as cooler and hipper than their Chelsea counterparts, but the reality is that they both drive their Black Range Rovers, carry a Bottega Veneta handbag and shop at Net-a-Porter but with a rock chick look like Kate Moss. W11 though still prides itself of its multi-coloured homes and magnificent Private Gardens like Ladbroke Square that most can only dream of.

So what your thoughts on your Postcode?!

xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

 

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Social Commentary

‘T.L.C.: Tinder-Loving-Care…’

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I was having dinner with a friend of mine, let’s call him Karl, at the Arts Club a few weeks ago when we came upon the subject of Tinder. You see, Karl is circling his 40s and is one of those eternally single guys who dated models in his 20s, a TV celebrity in his 30s – which was serious until it wasn’t – and is now pure and simple ‘single.’ We all have one of those friends, don’t we? Edging his 40s and still unable to settle down, roaming the streets of London entertaining his married friends with his Tinderadventures.

Tinder is a slight obsession of mine, since I am 10 years too late for this cyber-phenomenon (remember the days of Speed dating and Match.com? I even missed those days) and I have often wondered what Tinder-dating is actually like. Would I have been a Tinder-dater if I had been single during Tinder-Time? Would I have been mostly swiping Right or swiping Left? Is it just an instant hook up or relationship worthy material? Who are all these Tinderers? It is actually fascinating, considering Tinder started only just over 3 years ago.

So, Karl gave us a Tinder Tutorial and explained how it all worked for us Middle Aged Tinder Virgins. He showed us the profiles of some girls he had swiped Right for: there was everything between a 5 and a 10. Karl didn’t seem to know the difference between a 5 and a 10, I thought to myself. One woman had for a profile picture, a picture of her enormous double DD cleavage. Classy, I say. He laughs. Perhaps this was why he is still single, I tell him. Sometimes, for the fun of it, he swipes right 10 times in a row just to see what would happen, he explains.

He had also been ‘around the world in Tinder’ he tells me, using it even when he was in New York, Hong Kong and Tokyo on business. (Apparently Tinder New York is more about instant sex, whereas Tinder London has more ‘looking for a relationship’ members). This is truly a global app, I think to myself. The ‘Uber’ of dating. He even went places where he had no more swipes to do! He actually came to the end of Tinder, who knew you could actually get to the end of Tinder?

I ask him if Tinder actually works and he tells me that apart from one Tinder-relationship he had for two months, it is soul-destroying. He was having 15 simultaneous conversations with 15 different girls but was not planning on actually meeting any of them. He just wasn’t interested in any of them but wanted to stay ‘connected’ so that he had someone to talk to when he was lonely or bored, without having an actual, IRL, demanding relationship.

Another friend of mine also on Tinder told me about one Tinder relationship she had with a guy she had met once but he then never made an attempt to meet again but would send her photos of where he was traveling and send random texts to see how she was doing. I wondered what kind of need this was fulfilling in these people’s psyches, if it wasn’t even about sex.

I began to wonder what the point of Tinder was until my husband came home and told me about the actual magic of Tinder: his recently divorced friend came raving to him one night about the merits of Tinder. He had just gotten divorced and was needing some ‘loving’ from someone, anyone, to lift him out of the deep self-esteem-hole he had gotten PD (post-divorce). Enter Tinder-Loving-Care, when two swipes make a right, and rebound sex/attention is on tap. For a divorced, middle-aged father of 2, with a social life solely based on happily married couples from ‘couple dinners’ with his wife’s friends, Tinder was a godsend. Instant TLC at the swipe of a screen, nothing like it for morale and self-esteem boosting.

xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

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Reviews

Review: Tamara Ecclestone’s SHOW Blow Dry Bar

Ever wondered what you would do if you were a Billionaire? Well, if your name is Tamara Ecclestone, heiress to the Billion-dollar Formula One dynasty, you open up your very own Blow Dry Bar. I was invited to try out the SHOW Dry Bar this past Monday and for once actually went. I don’t usually do beauty reviews but I was tempted by a) its proximity to my home b) feeling sorry for my hair c) but really because I am very curious about this whole ‘Blowdry Bar’ experience and of course, Tamara Ecclestone’s weird and wonderful life.

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All photos courtesy of Halpern PR unless otherwise noted. NHYM 2015. 

Apparently, Blowdry bars are already very popular in the US, and there are a few scattered around London already (Soho, Chelsea and pop-ups at Harvey Nics/Harrods/Selfridge’s), but Notting Hill was still a Blowdry-Bar-virgin- until now. Strategically, it is located across the street from Granger’s, a very popular ‘Ladies-Who-Lunch’ spot with regular David Beckham sightings. So, while you are blowdrying your hair, you can spot celebs, and people-watch, or conversely, you can eat while craving a blow dry. Can you really have a BlowDry craving? My NHYM mentor Francesca, (see: https://nottinghillmummy.com/2014/07/24/notting-hill-nurseries-the-rise-of-the-notting-hill-yummy-mummy/) once told me that the most important way to look glamorous is to do your hair. If your hair looks nice, everything else will look nice, even those run in your tights.

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So, off I went to SHOW Blow dry Bar on a ‘Bloggers’ day, for my first SHOW blow dry. I am not one to look after my hair particularly well: occasional dying of white hair when I’ve had enough of my friends pointing them out and laughing, or an occasional blow dry for a special event, but that’s about it. My hair looks more like Anne Hathaway’s in the Devil Wears Prada, before the fabulous makeover, rather than after…

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Photo courtesy of the internet. NHYM 2015. 

Entering Show Dry, I see that I am really an amateur in the ‘Hair’ department. When my blow-dry lady asks what hair products I use, I try not to admit that L’Oreal from Boots does the trick. I first go downstairs for a fancy shampoo in a ‘massage’ chair (well, it’s really a vibrating chair more than anything), where the steps are black and the railings rose gold, with photos of red lips and diamonds on the wall. It’s definitely the ‘Totally Tamara’ look.

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After, I go upstairs to get my BlowDry, where I am offered a list of goodies and magazines on a sleek black iPad Mini: I choose an Apple, & Banana smoothie and salted caramel popcorn (there was Champagne on offer, but didn’t want to wobble to the school run after). This was the ultimate luxury Monday afternoon: getting my hair washed & blow dried while munching on caramel popcorn and reading a magazine. It felt very, very indulgent for a mum of two. Oh and the salted caramel popcorn is so so good, you’ve got to try it.

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At the end, I even got a goodie bag with actually something I would use: Volumising Mist and a hair oil made with Argan Oil, which I am a big fan of. I hope this store does well, I am always a fan of success stories (unfortunately for Kevin Pieterson’s Bella & Beau has already closed down… https://nottinghillmummy.com/2014/03/24/to-cut-or-not-to-cut-that-is-the-question/). My blow dry is very good, I instantly go from ‘mother-doing-the-school-run look’ to ‘glamorous-where-are-you-going-tonight’ look.

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Photo courtesy of the internet. NHYM 2015.

Ah. It does feel lovely, me and my bouncy hair, and it reminds me of Kate Middleton’s bouncy, perfect hair that she gets done daily. (see photo of Kate Middleton post-birth) She obviously got the memo from Francesca about perfect hair making you look instantly polished, presentable and dressed up. It’s been a lovely, indulgent afternoon, and I may just be back next week. Even if just for the Salted Caramel.

xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

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Social Commentary

‘How to Spot an Alpha Man…’

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‘Are you a Turtle or a Tiger?’

I was recently talking to someone in the US who had been to ‘group pre-wedding counselling’ (who even knew those existed?), where they were each asked if they were a ‘Turtle’ or a ‘Tiger’ to determine their compatibility score. I told her that this question would never be asked in London, since everyone here is a Tiger. The Alphas are everywhere. To survive in the urban jungle that is London, men don’t really have a choice than to be Alpha; driven, ambitious, focused, dominant and powerful. A recent survey showed that 79% of single women want a dominant man, especially in the shape and form of Christian Grey, which is apparently why ’50 Shades of Grey’ has been such a success.

So what exactly is an Alpha Man? Kate Ludeman described him as ‘powerful, authoritative personality types’ who ‘tend to be aggressive, results driven achievers who insist on top performance from themselves and others’ in her book ‘The Alpha Male Syndrome’. http://www.worthethic.com/the-alpha-male-syndrome.html

‘Are you Alpha-Alpha or Alpha-Beta?’

But I think that there are subtypes of Alpha Men: There are the Alpha Alpha (AA), the prototypical Aggressive & Arrogant types, who want to win as the end goal, and tend to put their needs in front of everyone else’s. Then there are the Alpha Beta (AB): Alphas but with a softer side. Those can also be called the ‘Blenders’ and tend to be driven when needed but can put your needs in front of theirs (Alpha Betas are a rare breed, so if you have one don’t let him out of your sight). Alpha traits all make for very successful men in the work place, and 79% women are attracted to these kinds of men, but what is it really like being with an Alpha Man? And how can you spot an Alpha Man?

Ten Ways to Spot an Alpha Man…

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1. ‘Transition Time’:

When they come home from work, they need a half an hour to an hour of ‘transitioning time’ from their ‘work selves’  to their ‘normal selves’ and only then can they have a normal conversation. For those 30 minutes/hour, keep clear from a) nagging b) asking them anything too important c) whining about how hard your day was. If you don’t listen to this rule, he may mistake you for his assistant or a colleague. Which is not a good thing.

2. Crackberry Addiction

At dinner, you will need to fight with the Blackberry, his other mistress, for attention. Despite house rules of ‘not using technology at dinner’ he will always find a way to get on his BB and get distracted by yet another ‘very important email that needs to be answered right away.’ At fancy restaurants, you can always spot an Alpha Blackberrying emails while you wait for your starters, or you can see him pacing back and forth in front of the restaurant on a ‘work call.’

3. Last Minute Cancellations

You will always need a Plan B. When planning a holiday, you need to prepare a backup plan like a girlfriend or your mother to go on holiday if his work makes him cancel the holiday at the last minute. Or at least always book changeable, refundable tickets.

I once went to a work dinner as an Alpha’s date, and as soon as we sat down, he had to leave to go back to the office to ‘finish up a deal’, while I was left entertaining his two 65 year old clients at George. My revenge? Choosing the most expensive thing on the menu: white truffles. Sold by the gram. Let’s just say that I made sure no one else in the restaurant, apart from me, was going to have any of the divine Italian ‘Trifola d’Alba Madonna.’

5. 45 Minute childcare attention span

Alpha men really do love their children (they are after all as close as a replica of themselves as they can have), but ideally at 45 minute time periods. All week they tell you that they can’t wait to see them and play with them and how jealous they are that you spend so much time with them. But after 45 minutes of play time come Saturday, they are more than happy to pass them right back to you.

5. Time consuming and expensive hobbies

Alpha men love expensive hobbies: Polo (including four polo ponies and a requisite 3 week trip to Argentina with the gauchos), car racing (at least one or two Porsche racing cars and a trip to Le Mans each year), heli-skiing (one or two yearly trips to Canada and Sweden), shooting (trips to Scotland or Spain to shoot thousands of poor partridges), and football watching (the poor man’s version, with a season ticket and trips to ‘big games’ in Spain/Italy/Germany/France).

Alpha men need their ‘me’ time (since women have so much free time managing a household +/- a job). Their perfect weekend looks like this: Saturday morning work out, 45 minutes playing with their children, Saturday afternoon hobby football/tennis/golf/polo, Saturday night social event organised by wife, Sunday morning sleep in time followed by ‘me time’, 45 minutes with children, Sunday afternoon activity with the children, like the cinema or watching TV at home.

6. Domestic Duty Allergy 

Despite handling £100 million deals, managing mergers, and using fancy terms like EBITDA, P&L, Hedging, Leveraging, Alpha men seem to be at loss with some of the most basic domestic duties; for example, cooking anything will require 15 questions for one basic task. ‘How do I cook the green beans? What pot should I use? Do I add olive oil to the water? Or just salt? Where is the salt? For how long?’ which in the end forces you to make the meal yourself.

One Alpha Man apparently had a rule when he got married: he told his wife that he would handle the ‘job,’ but she would be in charge of the baby wiping, changing, cooking, cleaning, and hiring and firing of the staff. He therefore boasts to his colleagues that he has not changed a nappy once in his life.

7. Selective Memory 

No matter how many weekends you have spent as a family in your house, Alpha men don’t seem to have enough memory to remember their children’s schedule or where anything is in the house. Most weekends have a basic, similar structure: the children wake up, they have breakfast, lunch, a snack and then dinner. It’s not that complicated. Yet, Alpha men will ask what their children eat, when they eat, where the spoons are, where the plates are… Every. Single. Weekend. It’s like groundhog day. No matter how many times you tell them, they just seem to have forgotten it by the next weekend.

8. Ego Stroking Necessary

Alpha Men feel extreme pride when they have managed a) 2 whole hours on their own with their children b) dressed and fed their children breakfast all on their own 3) put their children to bed all by themselves, as if they had just discovered the theory of relativity. This is then your cue to ego stroke, praise and tell them what an amazing father they are. Of course, never expect the same praise for yourself despite having spent the entire week non-stop with the kids.

One Alpha man I heard of married someone who everyone considered wasn’t quite in his league: he was charming, handsome, intelligent, successful, and she was just not quite his match in any of these categories. Everyone wondered why he chose her. I asked his best friend who replied. ‘Oh, they have a lot in common. They are both completely, madly in love with him.’

9. Micro-managing

The Alpha-Alphas are the only kind of men, apart from gay men, that need to have input in every house-hold decision taken. From the type of bathroom tiles, the shade of eggshell cream for the walls, to choosing the fridge. These are detail oriented men who like control after all, and they have an opinion on absolutely everything.

10. Competitiveness

Alpha Men are competitive about everything, not only about winning that deal, getting that promotion, or having the biggest house/plane/yacht in the neighbourhood, but also when it comes to their children. You will overhear them at the Christmas Play saying ‘Why didn’t Poppy get the main solo singing part?’ in utter disbelief. But to see Alpha Men in their most primal, competitive glory, go to a Sports Day to see them competing with all the other Alpha Dads, when their inner Tigers are completely unleashed, and men run over each other like lions in a hunt. That’s all they are after all, just animals wanting to win that prize.

xx

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

https://nottinghillmummy.com/2014/04/05/the-story-of-alpha-mum-alpha-dad/

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