Social Commentary, Top 10

Top 10 Tips: How To Raise Resilient Children

Last week, I was very much tempted to write about the attacks that occurred in Paris, the horrendous tragedy, and how it has touched so many people I know. This blog was originally conceived as a way of escapism when I was faced with adversity and I had always wanted to keep it slightly surreal and fictionalised in the NHYM world. But we really are living in a time of high alert and we are all a bit more nervous than before that it would be impossible for me to ignore what is going on. So, to keep this post on a positive note and instead of just feeling helpless, it has led me to research and write about how we can teach our children resilience.

We all think that all we want is for our children to be ‘happy’ but this is too simplistic when reality will throw traumas, tragedies, and disappointments at us, some of which are out of our control. We, as parents, instinctively want to protect our children, but there comes a point when we can no longer protect them. What we can do, is to teach them resilience and how to bounce back from life’s challenges.

Here’s a round up of my Top 10 Tips on How To Raise Resilient Children:

(researched on the internet and parenting books)

Don’t accommodate every need: If children are never exposed to uncomfortable situations, they will never learn from them and how to handle being in such situations. Minor uncomfortable situations will teach them flexibility and how to react positively.
Avoid eliminating all risks: Allow appropriate risks for them to learn their own limits.
Teach them to problem solve: You won’t always be there to solve their problems. Teach them how to go through the process of solving a problem to equip them with their own problem solving skills.
Don’t provide all the answers: Don’t immediately rush to answer all the questions your child may have. Show them how to answer their own questions, promoting inquisitive minds and how they can answer their own questions.
Let your kids make mistakes: Failure can be a good thing (but not too much!). It teaches them that failure is OK and that they can learn from their mistakes. See it as a growth and learning experience rather than as a negative experience. We all make mistakes, and it is important to children to know that it is Ok to make them.
Help manage their emotions: Teach your children that emotions are OK, but that you have to figure out what to do next and how to manage them. For example, if they are upset at a friend, try to teach them to tolerate the emotions but that they will pass.
Model Resiliency: Try to show them resiliency and be calm and consistent. We could probably all learn from this list.
Determine your child’s strengths and develop them: Rather than focussing on their weaknesses, build on their strengths for them to build their confidence and know that they have their own unique talents and strengths.
Build their coping skills: Everyone will face a situation when things aren’t going their way. Teach them to accept things that he/she cannot change, normalise their experience and let them know that they will get over it and get stronger from it. Positivity is also a helpful.
Teach children to be independent but seek help when needed: There comes a point in each child’s life when they will no longer have their parent at their side every moment of the day to support, cheer, and help but that they can ask for help when they need it.

So, in these times of stress, what we can do is teach our young children to become resilient, leading them to become resilient and strong adults. Let me know if there are ways you have helped to build your children’s resilience.

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

Social Commentary

Everything You Need to Know About Your Child’s Education & Success by Malcolm Gladwell

For those of you who have already read Malcolm Gladwell’s ‘Outliers’, then you already know everything you need to know about your child’s education and future success. If you haven’t, this is a snap picture of what he has found out about the patterns and behaviours of ‘Outliers,’ people out of the norm based on intelligence, success and physical prowess, based on extensive research and some lateral thinking.

1. Being the oldest in the class is a Good Thing.

A study done by two economists found that an older child who was tested against a younger child in the same class with comparable intellect would score higher than the younger child, which can make a huge difference in getting into gifted programs. Therefore, the oldest child will be put in an ‘advanced program’ which will in turn encourage his/her skills and they will do better than the younger child. Over time, these differences will become big differences which will have a big impact. He uses the example of Junior League Hockey in Canada and the physical superiority January children have over later born children to illustrate that a whole year matters and when you are born matters. (Many NHYMs I know already have the birthdate of their child planned before pregnancy so they are well ahead of me; https://nottinghillmummy.com/2014/07/24/notting-hill-nurseries-the-rise-of-the-notting-hill-yummy-mummy/).

2. Hard Work and the 10,000 hour rule.

Most of us have heard of the 10,000 rule already, but it re-enforces that hard work will get you ahead. The best chess players and the best musical prodigies are the ones who put in more time in their art than anyone else. Gladwell looked at a study that showed that once a musician has the talent to get into a top music school, what distinguished the world famous musician versus the rest is the amount of time dedicated to his music. Studies done all show that 10,000 hours of practice are needed to achieve ‘expert’ level at any one complex task, which equates to years of hard work. It takes this amount of time for the brain to process and assimilate expertise and mastery. I clearly remember a friend who was an All American sports player whose parents told me that he would spend hours kicking his ball, all day and every day, which is how he became so good. So get practicing.

3. Opportunity.

Gladwell uses the example of Bill Gates who as a teenager was lucky enough to have a computer in his high school in the 60s. This was considered ‘amazing.’ Most universities didn’t have computers yet, so here he was given an opportunity to play with computers and start programming before any of his peers were able to. This was his opportunity, which enabled him to get ahead of the rest of the world. It was his obsession and he used the 10,000 hour rule to become a world expert. Gladwell states that all outliers benefit from some kind of extraordinary opportunity. So, this is what you can give your children: opportunities. Then it is up to them to take these opportunities or not.

4. Oxbridge and the Ivy Leagues are not the answer to everything.

I hear all around me mothers who are obsessed with their children going to Oxbridge or an Ivy League University. To them, this is their definition of educational success. Yes, the Ivys and Oxbridge open a lot of doors, but they are not going to predict where your child will end up in life. Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard, he clearly did not need a university degree to succeed. To most, universities will help them succeed, but a good university is good enough. Gladwell takes the last 25 Americans to win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry and in Medicine and many did not go to the ‘best’ universities, but to ‘good enough’ universities. Many I had never even heard of. The argument is that you would rather have your child at the top of his class at a ‘good’ university, rather than bottom of the class at ‘Oxbridge/Ivy.’ Similarly to point one, the person at the ‘lesser’ university may get more opportunities.

5. Luck Matters.

Being at the right place at the right time is something we can’t predict. Some opportunities are based on luck. Nothing else. And there is nothing you can do about that apart from teaching your child about Good Karma.

6. A Genius IQ won’t guarantee anything.

Studies have shown that an IQ of 115 is necessary to get into a competitive graduate program and to succeed at it. This is probably what most of my peers are hoping for their children. But much above this IQ won’t guarantee very much. An IQ above 120 doesn’t correlate with personal success. It shows that intelligence has a threshold. For example, a scientist with an IQ of 130 is just as likely to win a Nobel Prize as one with an IQ of 180. It is like the Money and Happiness threshold. After a certain threshold, the amount of money you have does not have an impact on your happiness. Success is more than just to do with IQ, it also requires a lot of ‘Practical Intelligence.’ Practical Intelligence can be described as ‘knowing what to say to who, knowing when to say it, and knowing how to say it with maximum impact.’

7. What you do as a parent has an impact.

Practical intelligence has a lot to do with what kind of family you were raised in. A study looking at different kinds of families found that two sets of parenting ‘philosophies’ emerged, which were separated by class lines; the wealthy families and the poorer families. Middle class and wealthier parents talked things through and taught their children how to reason. They allowed their children to challenge them, negotiate with them, and question them. They called the middle class style of parenting as ‘concerted cultivation’ which actively ‘fosters and assess a child’s talents, opinions and skills.’ Lower class parents let their children develop on their own, and had less involvement in their schooling and extra-curricular activities. (Of course over-parenting, as I’ve mentioned before, can turn your child into a stress and anxiety ridden child, which is not a good thing either! https://nottinghillmummy.com/2014/06/26/quote-of-the-day-but-mummy-only-daddies-work/)

8. Supportive Parents Lead their Children.

What you do and what environment you provide your child affects everything she/he will do in the future. I remember growing up and seeing my father surrounded by books and encyclopedias. This taught me that books were interesting and how to be curious. My mother listened to classical music and painted. Even though back then, these were not my chosen subjects or tastes, they were indelibly inscribed in my brain, and I have come to love books, Wikipedia, Tschostakovich, and Art. Middle and upper middle class children’s homes are filled with books, their parents have college educations, they present themselves well and dress appropriately. This is teaching your child practical intelligence; how to interact appropriately with the real world. How to assess and address problems, how to speak up when necessary, and how to learn to manage other people appropriately.

9. Be Aware of Your Cultural Background.

This comes nicely to the next point that culture matters. Your cultural background matters. Gladwell looked at Airplane accidents from a Korean airline and found that 1st Officers wouldn’t assert themselves against their Captains, which caused a number of airplane crashes. (It did however show that American culture is an affirmative one, as many flight officers would be intimidated by the JFK air controllers. New York is one of the most affirmative cities in the world in my opinion). I have already opined about Jews and their cultural impact in another post and we have all heard about ‘Tiger Moms’ of American Chinese descent, so think about your culture’s pros and cons and address them if possible when raising your child.

10. Perseverance Counts.

This theme is weaved throughout the book, ‘Outliers.’ Working hard, and working at what you do takes time and perseverance to succeed. It is about using failures as a lesson towards success. Entrepreneurs’s personality traits always include ‘perseverance.’ It is a ‘constant personal evolution (Huffington Post).’ Learning to fail is just as important as succeeding. So whatever your child puts their mind to, be there to support them and let them fail along the way.

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

@NHyummymummy

Social Commentary

Quote of the Day: ‘But mummy, only daddies work!’

…M’s response to my telling her that I am going back to work.

The Challenges of the Career Supermom, the Part-time Mumpreneur and the SAHM (Stay-at-Home-Mum)

I once had the potential to be what most people would call a ‘high flyer.’ I entered one of the finest graduate programmes in the country, acquired multiple letters past by name, got a number of degrees under my belt, wrote articles as an ‘expert’, until, that is, I had children. Then my perception of what was important and where I was going in my career was overtaken by how much my baby had slept/drank/cried/pooped/peed, and I forgot how to spell my own name. I went back to work after a year but was torn between the guilt when I was working, and being brain-dead when I was singing ‘Gymbo the clown goes up and down’ for the 100th time.

Eventually, the guilt, stress and pure exhaustion won out and I stopped working completely to see where things would take me, despite my husband’s fear that this meant a withering bank account (which by the way he now agrees was completely unfounded). The Sunday Times Style Magazine last week quoted that Generation X are ‘those aged 30-49, who are likely to be in the thick of child-rearing or taking care of elderly relative, are the most likely (48%) to say that work eats into family time. This is the most time-squeezed, stressed group of all, and huge numbers of that generation’s high flyers dropped out to raise their children.’ A few years on, I am still trying to figure out the right balance, between my children’s needs (being with them 100% and becoming a neurotic helicopter parent), and my needs (needing actual adult conversation, whose main subject of conversation doesn’t revolve around sleep training or school admissions).

For X number of years, parenthood takes over and no matter how hard you may fight it, this time inevitably has to be dedicated to your children and their needs, until they go away, some earlier than others to boarding school, and then to University. But then, those parents who spent all their time helicoptering are left all alone wondering where did all this time go and feeling the empty nest syndrome. The others, after being overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted trying to manage a full time career and full time parenthood, may end up feeling regret at 60 for not spending enough time with their children when they were young. Currently, all the mothers I know are trying to balance, juggle, and manage being a mother while continuing to develop their own ‘self.’

What Kind of Mother Are You?! The Career Supermom, the Part-time Mumpreneur, or the SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mum)

The Career Supermom:

As it turns out, all the research shows that the career supermom is happier than the full time Stay-At-Home-Mom (of course, this research doesn’t consider the Notting Hill SAHM who have full time nannies). (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/15/study-working-moms-are-ha_n_1152202.html) Career supermoms are valued in society, which values women like Nathalie Massanet, Sheryl Sandberg and Hillary Clinton who managed to be working mothers who have excelled in their industry. Full time working mums say they enjoy work because they are intellectually satisfied, earn great money and enjoy the social aspect of work. Of course, the career supermom will always have the risk that their children call the nanny ‘mummy’ (which has happened more times than I wish to explain), and they will have to manage their guilt when they miss their child’s first steps and have to explain to their child why they were the only parent who wasn’t at the school christmas play.

But apparently, for the working supermoms, the guilt is not strong enough for them not to work, as it was found that the majority of women do not feel guilty about being at work instead of at home. Many super-high-fliers I know, are much happier being at work than at home, but they are also happy to sacrifice the time with their children, knowing that their children are safe and happy with their nannies/daycare. Sheryl Sandberg discusses her rise to power managing motherhood and career by ‘moulding’ her hours to fit these two roles but she emphasises that she had to make a lot of sacrifices. She admits to not having it all, and to feeling like a lousy mother a lot of the time (http://www.mckinsey.com/insights/organization/facebooks_sheryl_sandberg_no_one_can_have_it_all). Sue Palmer, an advocate on literacy, says that these educated, career women find it easier to control their work than their kids, therefore feel happier at work than at home, although biologically, women were meant to bear and raise children. (http://www.mothersathomematter.co.uk/mahm-blog/447-what-makes-a-happy-mum)

From a child development point of view, she describes children’s needs:

*In the first couple of years babies and toddlers need ‘constant, consistent, one-on-one, loving care’ from a primary attachment figure. Doesn’t have to be mum. As time goes on, the care can be shared with other loving attachment figures, e.g. dad.
*Between ages two and three is a grey area – it probably depends on the individual child.
*From around three, children benefit from being with other children for a few hours a day, so a half-day at nursery is probably a good thing.
*The older children get, the more they need to move beyond the family so they’re probably ready for a full school day from around 6/7.
*BUT throughout childhood, they still need loving care around the edges of the school day – time with their family, as well as time with a trusted adult ready to hand while they play.

The one thing I can’t get my head around is that not only do these supercareer moms work 70+ hour weeks, but when they come home, they often are still in charge of the household/cooking/childcare etc… even having equal or greater pay than their husbands. This is where women have failed in their fight for women’s lib. These women end up with the work, the house and the children to look after. Most men have not taken their half of the house-work equal to how much women now work. Of course, to the few women who have these perfect husbands who work and take care of the house, consider yourselves very lucky.

The Part-Time ‘Mumpreneur’

Part-time working mums are meant to be the happiest since they manage to spend time with their children, as well as stay in the working community. But unfortunately, this doesn’t always work out, as eventually those mums feel torn in both directions; when at work they think about home, and when at home think about work. Working part-time mums, consider themselves ‘involved moms and talented employees.’ They enjoy the social aspects of work, being challenged and fulfilled on the job, and the increased financial stability (which translates into balancing the power in the relationship between husband and wife). They are although, probably the most stressed out of the three groups because they have the whole domestic responsibility as well as the job responsibility, therefore pressure coming from all angles. The career woman can leave the majority of child-rearing to the nanny, and the SAHM can leave the money-making to their husbands.

As mentioned in my last post, mumpreneurs are the new, hot, trend among NHYMs. I was having a conversation with an above career supermom; fund manager, part-time internationally renowned artist, mother of two, LSE graduate, loving wife, about mumpreneurs, when she condescendingly snubbed the term ‘mumpreneur’ telling me it was really just a hobby for these women. But when I asked her when did a hobby becomes a business, she replied that ‘Anything that makes money is a business,’ so all of the mumpreneurs I know, genuinely do make money, therefore are businesses (even if they are in a privileged position of not having to contribute to the mortgage payments, but we are in Notting Hill after all).

Mumpreneurs set out to make money, whether in designing clothes or jewellery, creating a food business, or becoming yoga gurus. It takes guts to set out any company on your own, with the looming reality that you may fail and that everyone you know will be talking about it. You invest your money, you create a website, you hire a tax account or do your own taxes, you learn to understand marketing and advertising, you manage your inflow and outflow of costs and revenue, and all these things that some of these women may never have done before. They become marketers, advertisers, accountants, graphic designers, web designers, business managers and the cleaner, all rolled into one. If anything, it will give them knowledge for the next business they try to set up. I admire these women for doing it, and yes, most of them will fail. Actually, 82% will fail, since only 18% of any entrepreneur will succeed, in any business.

Many of these women will have worked in a corporate environment before deciding to go at it on their own, and will use their past skills to start their own company. As a strong supporter of small businesses, innovation, and entrepreneurial spirit, I admire and salute all these women, trying to juggle being there for their children, while creating a business or company. Annabel Karmel started like this, Ella’s Kitchen as well. They inject money into the economy, they are useful to society, they learn or hone new skills for the future, they stay interested and current in their industry, and they strive to be a part of working society.

Notting Hill Mumpreneurs

A number of superwomen, beautiful, creative mumpreneurs have approached me since the beginning of the blog, promoting their passion to me, and as a woman/mother/entrepreneur supporter, I wanted to share some ‘mumpreneurs,’ (some who have approached me, some I have heard through the NH grapevine) who have taken the courageous plunge into entrepreneurship doing what they are passionate about, often from a completely different career background.

Food and Beverage: Ex-model and LSE grad, Bodil Blaine is starting a war with Nespresso, making ethical coffee at CRU Kafe teaming up with an established Canadian Entrepreneur (http://crukafe.co.uk). Chika Russell is importing West African treats the UK, which have already been picked up by 5* hotels, and will soon be found in a number of high end department stores. (http://www.chikas.co.uk), Kara Rosen Diamond uses her marketing expertise by bringing cold pressed, organic juices from the US to the UK with Plenish Cleanse, which has already been featured in many magazines, including the Sunday Times Style Magazine (http://www.plenishcleanse.com/shop/).

Health and Fitness: Ex-Banker turned pilates and facial fitness guru, Carme Farre, gives you a six pack, a Kim Kardashian bum, and a wrinkle free face without any surgery (http://studiocarme.co.uk). Leslie Saglio, an ex-real estate expert brings Serene Social to the UK, ‘an international wellness, philanthropy and conscious networking community for women,’ organising rooftop yoga (http://serenesocial.com/events/serene-london-rise-up-weekly-rooftop-yoga-series), and on top of that she teaches kids and yin yoga in West London (http://www.lesliesaglio.com).

Design and Style: Ex-De Beers/Cartier artistic director, Raphaele Canot brings her creative expertise to her ‘timeless and beautiful’ art deco jewellery line (http://raphaelecanot.com). Alex Al Badar, an ex-model, has turned herself into fashion designer and collaborates with her sister who hand paints individual breezy and bright designs at Soler (http://www.soler.co.uk). Rachel Verghis has started a company called gooeyskins, http://www.gooeyskinshq.com, which designs cool and iconic cases for iPads, iPhones, and other gadgets.

Children: Two ex-lawyer mums, Caroline and Pinja have brought Scandinavian and Dutch children’s clothes, furniture and toys to the UK with their website http://www.fourfairiesandaprince.com. Marina Fogle and Dr. Chiara Hunt, Kate Middleton friends and entrepreneurial ex-party planners, recently started an NCT competitor class called the Bump, which doesn’t force breastfeeding for four years or advocate births without intervention, even when necessary (http://www.thebumpclass.com). And finally, watch out for Gudrun Wurm’ s organic baby body products this August at http://www.littlebutterflyorganic.com

The SAHM: Stay-At-Home-Mum

The Stay-At-Home-Mum is considered be the unhappiest of the lot, with the most depressive illness and mental health issues as seen in the study mentioned before because of loneliness and feeling that society doesn’t value them as much as a working mother. Of course, this doesn’t apply to most Notting Hill SAHM, as they have the luxury to hire nannies and focus on their needs any time they want (There should be a study on SAHM with help and their life satisfaction).

Being a SAHM makes you financial dependent on your husband (usually, unless you have your own trust fund to rely on), and unfortunately gives him power in the relationship. He works hard, therefore you are responsible for everything else outside the scope of work; keeping the house immaculate and clean, raising the children, having – the right- food prepared on the table at night, arranging school and playdates, grocery shopping, present buying, looking good for his work events and the list goes on. Some women feel guilty about their husbands working hard all week and feel indebted to them, while husbands resent their wives for having a ‘lady of leisure’ lifestyle. My mother was a typical SAHM who told me from a very young and tender age to go out there and have a career, have a job and be financially independent. This was the generation who pushed women’s lib and forced society to accept women as equal workers to men. Unfortunately, this has also brought on increased divorce rates through women’s independence, women marrying later and having more miscarriages and ivf babies than ever before.

Spending all day long with your children, and even meeting other similar like minded women can be fun and somewhat appealing for a certain amount of time, but two problems arise, one is helicopter parenting since these women’s sole focus of their attention are their children, which creates a needy, anxious and dependent child with poor coping skills (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nation-wimps/201401/helicopter-parenting-its-worse-you-think), and secondly, what about the longer term. In only a few years, their children will leave their home to go to school full time and then off they go to university and the empty nest syndrome will hit. What will they do then? It will be much harder to get back into the working world if they stopped working early on, and when their children are at university, what will they do to to keep their minds sharp and focussed? Having a ‘hobby’ or business will do that, whether or not actual money is actually exchanged or produced.

The Bottom Line:

In the end, no one has the perfect formula to being a happy mother, woman and worker. These are just a few questions to ask yourselves to determine what will make you the happiest and most satisfied in the long run. There are no right answers, unless you, your husband or your children are not happy. The bottom line for your children though is quite simple, says Sue Palmer. They need five things to have a healthy development:

1. Love

2. Discipline

3. Play

4. Language

5. Education

Let me know your thought on women, working mums, non-working mums, stay at home mums in the comments below! For the NH mumpreneurs out there, feel free to leave your comments about being a mumpreneur, or let us know what great business you have started!

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

twitter: @NHyummymummy

Quote of the day, Social Commentary

‘A Day In the Life of A Notting Hill Yummy Mummy’

Quote of the Day: ‘I’m panting like a bulldog during a heatwave and sweating like a 60 year old man trying to have an orgasm on Viagra.’

(All photos courtesy of the internet)

5:30am. ‘Waahhh!’ I hear screaming somewhere in the background through the BT monitor trying to wake me from my happy-beach-dream slumber. Please Stop. I ignore it. I am sure the noise will die down if I just pretend I don’t hear it. 10 minutes later, I am back to my beach-dream. I am exhausted from being up 4 times last night. 2x with the teething Baby A, and 2x with M, once because she had a bad dream, and the other to tell me she wants pasta for lunch.

6pm: ‘Mummmmmyyyy!!! Peeeeppeeee!’ Really? Hasn’t she been potty trained for years? I try to remember. But the potential thought that I may have to clean up her wet carpet mess if I don’t go, makes me get up to take her to the bathroom.

6:15am: More noise. This time louder. ”Wwwaaaah’ in one monitor. ‘Mummy!’ in the other. Both kids are up and screaming for attention. I guess I sympathise, since it’s been a whole 12 hours since they saw anyone but a teddy bear.

6:15am-7:30am: I’ve used all my tricks to entertain and convince them it’s still night-time and M replies ‘It’s light out, it’s not sleep time, it’s play time!’ How is it possible to be this exhausted by these two little angels (monsters)? I look at my watch every minute. 30 more minutes until New Nanny shows up. 29 more minutes. 28 more minutes….

7:30am: Hurrah! New nanny is on time. I hand off my oompah loompah midgets and go back to my Haastens bed and Egyptian cotton thread. Ah. This is more like it. Until I realise that I promised myself to try that Zumba class, since I am surrounded by Claudia Schiffer and Elle McPherson types and I still look like K-Middy’s post-baby-St.Mary’s-Lindo-Wing-Photo.

8am: Breakfast with the girls. I’ve had 30 minutes to turn myself into someone slightly suitable for drop offs and pick ups, so I won’t be mistaken for the nanny again.

8:30am: New Nanny is in charge of Drop Offs and Baby Naps today, so I have a Full NHYM day ahead.

8:45am Off to Zumba! I am trying to get rid of the 5kg tire that has been stuck like super glue to my pre-baby-size-8-body since the birth of Baby A. It has been impossible to get rid of it: Dukan diet, 5:2 diet, only-eating-apples/pineapples/kale/pomegrenade diet, Bootcamp Pilates or Yoga. ‘This isn’t me, I’m a skinny girl stuck in a fat-girl’s body!’ I want to tell the mums I meet when they ‘up-and-down’ me. What’s worst, is that I have a full wardrobe of beautiful, gorgeous clothes that I may never wear again. I am stuck wearing elasticated waists for the rest of my life like an 80 year old, I think to myself.

8:50am On my way there, I pass by the trendy-twiglet-blonde-who-never-smiles NHN (Notting-Hill-Neighbour). I guess I wouldn’t smile either if my ex husband was cheating on me. But still, I see her almost every day and she barely acknowledges my existence. Must be something with fashionistas. They must be either hungry (which makes them grumpy), or angry.

9am: Zumba! I don’t know anyone here and I feel quite intimidated. There are about 35 women, size 8 and under, chatting to each other, and I am quite literally the elephant in the room.

9:05am: Oh, there’s someone I recognise, one-hit-wonder Trinny in the front row (I hear she had a successful fashion show on TV a lifetime ago, which was replaced by her fat-turned-skinny-gay-friend Gwok Kwan, and whose career is now non-existent. The difficulties of fame). More importantly, can someone tell me what she is doing with Charles Saatchi?! She is certainly not with him for his dashing good looks or charming, endearing character. Was she hibernating in Antartica when he throttled Nigella, divorced 3 times, and confessed to being a narcissistic, reclusive, egotist?? I want to go up to her and hug her and tell her she’s better than this.

9:05am: There’s Pamela Anderson! Oh wait, that’s a skinnier, younger, and prettier version of her without the inflated boobs or lips.

9:15am: These women clearly come every day. They all have the ‘special Zumba shoes’ and all seem to know the moves even before Doni, the Zumba teacher, shows us. This Zumba class is like a game of Twister and I am definitely losing.

9:30am: I’m panting like a bulldog during a heatwave and sweating like a 60 year old man trying to have an orgasm on Viagra. Not a pretty sight.

10:00am: How much longer is this class?! I wonder if I can sneak out without anyone noticing, but I think about my tire, and I can’t go anywhere, I’m too tired and it’s too heavy for me to move. Again, I look at the clock to see when this torture will end.

10:15am: It’s wind down time. Finally. This class really isn’t for me.

10:30am: As I am leaving the Zumba class, looking my best, I see David Beckham leaving Bonpoint, arms full of Bonpoint, Caramel and Marie-Chantal bags. There’s certainly one lady in his life. He goes shopping for her, drops her off every day, looks at her adoringly and he is apparently just the loveliest guy, says my local butcher… (I’ve also figured out why his parents called him ‘David:’ after Michaelangelo’s David’s body!). Can someone tell me why Victoria never smiles; she’s super-rich, super-famous, she is now a bona-fide, super-designer, she has four super-adorable kids and a husband like THAT. What’s not to smile about?!

11am: I stop by Austique on my way home, and while trying on girly goodies, I run into B.B., an impossibly leggy, beautiful, ex-model, LSE graduate, married to some Art Superstar who tells me about her new company she has started, producing ethical coffee. You see, to be a NHYM it isn’t enough being beautiful, smart, size 8 and under, rich and married to a super successful husband, you now must own your own company and be successful at it (and save the world while you’re at it!). This is the new trend for NHYMs; to be your own boss and become a ‘mumpreneur (Post about mumpreneurs coming up soon).’ Me and my tire are feeling even more deflated.

11:30am: I’m rushing home to take a shower to get rid of all of that Zumba sweat, check in with New Nanny that all is well at home and school. Finally I spend time with Baby A who has been neglected since her birth, give her lunch and sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ for her nap before heading off to lunch at the Electric with my two Scandi friends K & C.

1pm: I am the first to arrive. Just as I am about to think that The Electric is full of bespectacled, middle-aged, writers in plaid shirts, Paloma Faith walks in and sits in the booth across from me. She is the last Mohican of Notting Hill Cool. NH is not full of NHYMs and yuppies after all.

1:10pm: K arrives 7 month pregnant, but doesn’t even look pregnant. I look more pregnant than she does. She is radiant and glowing. Which is giving me morning sickness, even though there is no way I could even be pregnant.

1:30pm We are finally happily eating our salads and soups while talking Europen real estate, schools, and healthcare and all I can do is stare at them trying to find a flaw. White perfect teeth? Check (Must get my teeth whitened one of these days). Always smiling? Check (They are actually genuinely happy people). Long, blonde, beautiful hair? Check (Must get hair dyed and done). Pool-blue eyes and flawless skin? Check (Must make an appointment with Dr. Lowe). Cool factor? Well they are Swedish after all. Ugh. This day is depressing me more by the minute. And they are just the nicest people ever. I spend the whole lunch trying to find what’s wrong with them and all I can come up with is that they are fans of 50 Shades of Grey.

2pm: We are going through our Celebrity Crushes (CC). Mine is of course, David, only for the fact that he is the ‘World’s Best Dad’ (and he happens to be even hotter in real life than in photos). I just can’t help it, seeing a (hot) dad with his adorable daughter in his arms just wins me over every time. C’s CC is Christian Bale in American Psycho, with a bit of Christian Grey thrown in, while K’s is Brangelina. Together. In Bed. At the same time. And here I was thinking that Scandis were boring.

2:45pm I leave the Electric after a lovely time with K & C, and having had a decent but un-extraordinary soup and salad, but anything tastes better than waiting in line at Bill Granger. On our way out, Marina Fogle, Ben Fogle’s wife, is busy having a work meeting for her new company ‘The Bump’. More mumpreneurs in action.

3pmish: Pick up time. I rush to the school gates and dread the uncomfortable small talk and idle chatter (Where are you off to for half term? How was your half term? Are you going to the Parent’s Event/Sports Day/Christmas Play?) while they ‘up-and-down’ me to see what labels I am not wearing. I feel like an awkward teenager who has no one to sit with at lunch time.

3pmish + 5 minutes: I spot ‘Gossip Mum’ and go straight to her. She loves talking so much and only listens to herself anyway, so I will look like I have a friend, but won’t need to talk. Perfect. And she keeps me in the school gossip loop, which makes me feel less of an outsider. Today, she chats away about the latest weird thing ‘Weird Mum’ has said and done and tells me about SuperRich Mum’s inbuilt trampoline and slide in her huge back garden (Yes, in London). Alpha Mum joins us and tells us about how many laps her perfect, supersonic daughter can do at the ‘Country Club’ after having lessons from Gold Medal Swimmer Coach. I wonder whether I should admit that M still doesn’t swim without floaties.

4pm: We are home after a play in the playground/private garden/park/activity. M has been best friends, enemies, then best friends again with her BFF in the past 10 minutes. Her BFF happens to be SuperRich’s Mum’s daughter and has a private jet, two drivers, three chefs, and 6 staff and M keeps asking if she can have a slide that goes down into a trampoline in our non-existent garden, and why we don’t have our own a ‘taxi’ driver. Hmm… Perhaps they should stay enemies.

4:30pm I open the door for the alarm/kitchen/builder/dishwasher guy to fix the broken alarm/fridge/house/dishwasher. Groundhog Day.

5pm: Finally, it’s TV time and everyone is happy! Anything from Frozen, Doc Mc Stuffins, Peppa, Mickey, Epic, or anything with Pirates will do.

6pm-7:30pm: Dinner, bath-time and wind-down-time, sleepy -time: Baby A doesn’t want to eat, M doesn’t want to poop and neither wants to go to sleep. Lots of negotiations and bribes later, everyone is in bed sleeping.

8pm: Dinner-time. Finally a moment to sit down. Mr. C is at a work dinner/traveling, as usual. I really need to go back to work, I think to myself, at least just so I can blame work for being an inadequate mother. Until then, the pressure of being a NHYM lurks heavily. I blame myself for my daughter not swimming yet, I self-loathe some more about my non-size-8-body, go back to feeling like the outsider who has no one to sit with at lunch-time, feel like the Ugly Duckling next to all these gorgeous Scandis (who seem to have an unfair physical advantage over the rest of the world) and feel personally inadequate for not having my own internet company/ethical food/clothes line/yoga studio.

So, perhaps this is why Trinny is with Charles Saatchi, because the NHYM pressure we put on ourselves creates unrealistic expectations to become these superwomen and supermom NHYM, who don’t actually exist (Except if you are Scandinavian, and then perhaps you stand a chance). Perhaps we should realise that all that really matters is that our families are happy and healthy and all the other stuff just doesn’t really matter. Period.

NHYM

http://www.nottinghillyummymummy.com

Twitter: @NHyummymummy

Quote of the day

Quote of the Day: ‘Can nanny Y have family bath time with us?’

Family bath time is one of my greatest pleasures in life when I get to cuddle my babies skin-to-skin, slimey and slithery, just as if they were newborn, which has been proven to release all sorts of good feeling endorphins. The other Saturday, I was in the bath enjoying my favourite past-time with my three year old daughter, M, my husband, Mr. C. while my other eight month old daughter, A was being looked after by our nanny, let’s call her ‘nanny Y.’ I was explaining to M the importance of family and how precious it was to have a close family and that bath-time was a great way of spending time with her family. She asked why A wasn’t in the bath with us, so I explained that A was still a little too small to enjoy family bath time with us. I promised her that A would join us later when she was big enough. Then M looked at me excitedly with her big, brown eyes as if she had a eureka moment and asked ‘Can nanny Y have family bath time with us instead of A?’

	nottinghillyummymumm… on Senior School Entry Anxiety…
	Anon on Senior School Entry Anxiety…
	Reflecting on Mindfu… on Mindfulness on Mother’s…
	nottinghillyummymumm… on Quote of the Day: ‘I pro…
	David moore on Quote of the Day: ‘I pro…

NOTTING HILL MUMMY

* Travel * Health & Wellness * Leisure * Lifestyle *

Tag Archives: parenting

Quote of the Day: ‘Can nanny Y have family bath time with us?’